Akshada Bhalerao

Hi,
How are you? You have gone so far far away and not returned for so many years now. Dear cousin brother, you stayed away but you still came to Mumbai for a few days. So exciting those days were. I was a little kid and you were my best big brother. Someone who would teach me how to cross the road and give me chocolates. You never spoke much but you that’s okay. I anyway needed a Bakra to listen to my pointless rambling which with age have worsened. Thank god you’re not here or you wouldn’t be able to hear. Lame joke I know.
But now you’ve gone far away and you don’t even come. I miss you. I miss keeping the secret of your well known smoke breaks from everyone. I miss thinking you confide in me and me only and I’m your best person. I miss how you took my side when I and my sister fought. And you’re such an idiot. You don’t even come online.
You were not online so I thought I’ll mail you the good news. I am doing my post graduation course from Sophia College now. Yaaayyy!!!! It’s a year long course and very practical oriented. It’s been two weeks since college has started and it’s already so hectic. Many projects and assignments to do but I’m having fun. Of course, it’s weird going back to college after a year of working at random places. And it’s also weird to take out money from ATM time to time being acutely aware that this year there’s going to be only withdrawal, no deposit. Humph… I hate that. I know I shouldn’t make it a big issue but I liked being independent. Earning and buying myself a new expensive phone and all that jazz. But a PG is something I really want and work can happen after that.
Also, I am getting old. I am 21 already and now going to turn 22. This is such a scary thought. It’s dawning upon me I have to start my life now. All the beautiful days of leaving everything on parents are gone. Now is the time to do it yourself. It’s scary in next 10 years or so I’ll be older and probably having a thing growing inside me. Forget that, 10 years later, people will say happy 30th birthday… eeewwwww…. NOOOOOOO…. This is all happening too fast for my liking.
But probably why I’m so scared is not because of age but because I want to have achieved something substantial before a certain age. People tell me I’m just 21 and I should chill. But you know what, I don’t want to chill. I want to make something of my life. I want to be something, be successful, and be happy. Be able to buy my own house, pay my own bills and be independent. And buying a bloody house in Mumbai is no shit. And I feel so guilty right now for spending my parents’ money. I just want to be on my own. One of my friend even said she needs to get a rich husband to support her lifestyle. I mean really? Why I am the one so serious about life. Why can’t I just backpack and roam the world. What’s there in life anyway?
I don’t really know why I am rambling... but I really admire the way you've achieved things completely on your own and that too in a different country altogether. I always admired you for that. God you must have some strength. You know, you were always my favorite brother. You stuck up for me. I know this sounds senti and all but seriously, I won’t listen to my father but I will listen to you. Trust me on that one. I really really admire you. When I was young and you would visit quite often, I remember we would go down (actually you would go down for a smoke and i would just tag along) I really thought you smoking was our secret and to protect it you would bribe me with whichever chocolate I would demand. But that’s not the real reason I admired you and liked you. You stuck up to me. I and my sis would have fights and i remember you actually listening to me! Like you would reason with my sis and actually put my point forward. So cool! You were quite the man in my life!

okay, I guess that much is enough to spoil our relationship which is based upon no show of affection... ha ha ha... feels good to ramble to you... I have an older brother! Wowieee.... Go die somewhere