Sreshtha Chatterjee

(Letter to my grandmom, whom I lost 7 years ago)


Dear Dadai,
How well do we know each other? And what do we really mean to each other? Now these are questions best left unanswered, because I could actually write a thousand novels on how I feel about you, and on how amazing our relationship truly is. However, I would actually require all the world’s supply of paper and ink to carry out that mammoth task! Moreover, I seem to realize how words sometimes become hopelessly inadequate to account for the emotions that are stiched together with every relationship...
When you got dispatched to Heaven – The House of God, those so many years ago… Mom told me, you’ve become a star… You’ve left us to go somewhere far far away… But it’s incredible how I could still always see you… feel you around me… I felt you looking at me… talking to me… telling me bed-time stories every night… Loving me and scolding me at the same time…
I don’t exactly know why I’m writing you this letter, because you certainly don’t need a letter from me to know how I feel about you. It’s not like I don’t think about you every day, and haven’t ever told you that I love you, when you were with me… But you know, perhaps the ONLY reason why I’m doing this today is, because there is soo much that I hadn’t told you… In life, there are soo many things that we always take for granted, and never really tell each other while we’re together… And I realized how valuable you always were for me, when you were no longer there… Each day. Each moment.
Today, when I’m much older… almost the lady that you always wanted me to be, I’m sure you can still see me from up there… Somewhere. And when you see me, I want you to smile, and think about your grand-daughter, as you wanted her to be… And maybe shed a tear or two…
You know I graduated from St. Xavier’s College, Kolkata, with a first class major degree in English (considering I’ve been speaking to you every now and then, whenever I was alone, to keep you abreast with how things are over here…) Right now, I am in Mumbai, doing my post graduation in Journalism, Communication and Media, at Sophia College, which is one of the most stellar media institutes in the country. After coming to Mumbai, I got so soaked and enmeshed with assignments, that I realized I hadn’t spoken to you for quite a long piece of time… Thus, I reckoned this to be the best way to touch base and reconnect with you…
Perhaps, I’ve never told you that you were and always will be one of those rarest gems that God ever posted to this world… Whenever I experienced something good, I remember always running up to you and telling you about it… And whenever I felt low about something, I would bare my heart out to you and cry… Perhaps we’ve shared every accountable emotion with each other… Seen each other through every possible high and low…
And when you fell sick before dying, I remember those soft eyes… that tender touch… that last warm hug… I remember you holding my hand and telling me then… “You will be very big one day… Be able to realize all your dreams… But most importantly, you will be a very good human being… All you must keep with you is dedication, and a firm belief that you CAN… A fast learner is no better than a slow learner… Doing something well is ALL that matters at the end…”
Those were easily the most inspiring things anyone ever said to me… Perhaps I was too small then, to understand the weight of each of those words… But today these so many years later, I can say that I’ve understood at least a drop of what you wanted me to…
When I was tilting dangerously on the precipice, after you were gone… I was close to becoming something I was NOT – An Intovert. From my solitary ruminations, the ONLY voice that dragged me back was YOU… Thank you for doing “the-cold-water-on-the-head-thing”… Thank you for being the most amazing thing I ever had in life…
‘Thanks’ seems to be the simplest word. Using too many words, I think chokes the feeling. I’d rather you felt my gratitude, than be dazzled by my words. So it’s just ‘Thanks’….
Since I could always only take and never give anything back to you… Doing this small something for you today, is really the least I could ever do…
I hope you’re happy where ever you are… May your soul always be blest… Take care… You know I love you…

Always there,
Yours,
Guriya.