Rupangi Sharma

Dear Blooper,

I miss you so much. The worst is that I never got to say goodbye.

For many days, I cycled the lanes and by lanes of Gurgaon- calling out your name desperately, a dull ache in my heart. I shouted into the silent streets, “Blooper, are you here? Come here, Blooper!” a tremor in my voice; hoping that you would hear the deep notes of longing and miraculously make a comeback.

Where did you go?

I remember how I found you (or did you find me?). I was returning from school with my elder brother and when we were nearing home, when I heard you and your brother yelping, as street urchins pelted you both with small stones.

It filled me with rage! How dare they hurt you?

My elder brother rushed forward and took matters into his hand. He screamed at the street urchins and they ran away, scared. I looked at them run away with fury in my eyes. Once they were gone, however, I could have nothing in my heart but pure love and adoration for you and your brother. So small and so vulnerable, I thought. That’s when I decided that I would look after you both.

I fed you, I played with you and I talked to you. I smiled with you and sometimes, at you.

Soon, you, your brother and your mother shifted into our house’s driveway. Those were very happy times. It was a full house.

You know why I called you “Blooper”? I think you do. I must have told you, but, I’ll tell you again.

It was because your brother bullied you all the time. He treated you as if he felt it were a mistake that you were born. I know it was mean to call you “Blooper,” but I was young and itching to use a new word. Besides, maybe you can look at this as a form of compensation, but, I did name your brother “Blabber”! You know more than anyone else how much he loved to bark!

You were not a mistake, Blooper. To me, you were a little angel. You seemed to understand me, always.

You were my favorite. I couldn't help favoring you. You and I had a bully of an elder sibling in common! Plus, we both liked, more than anything else, to be quiet.

Maybe, like all angels it was time for you to leave?

I have so much to tell you since the last time I saw you.

I am no longer in Gurgaon. Your mother and Blabber stayed with me, till the time we moved. I took a photograph of him, before I left and I wish I could have taken one of yours too.

I live in Mumbai, now.

I have two dogs- Boris and Sambuca. Boris is 9 years old and Sambuca is 2.5 years old. They’re both bundles of love and life.

I see a reflection of you, in Boris. He’s also white and has spots, like you did! Except, his are brown and yours were black. Though, that’s not why I think you both are similar.

It’s his nature. Boris’s eyes are pools of calm silence. Sometimes, he sits so still and stares into space that you can almost hear him think.

Sambuca is not like that. He is a mischievous dog. He will deliberately annoy Boris and then kiss him on his nose.

They will never be able to replace you.

I don’t think I will ever stop looking at roads, as they pass me by, without a searching look in my eyes, wondering where you are.

Maybe it is naive of me, but, I refuse to even entertain the thought that you could have died. Even if I try to hold that thought for a second, it hurts so badly.

I want you to know something- the truth is, Blooper, no matter what my love for you is immortal.

Rupangi